Lovely Birthday. Words, love, wishes, years. How blessed I am today and always. ♥
Small butterfly kisses on cheeks, Duncan-made sandwiches, tiny pictures that smell of childhood and glue. Heart earmuffs from my Mom. Wishes from friends, old and new. Thank You Universe, I will accept your gifts with great responsibility today.

Dunc and I were on the deck working on a book he's writing and I was thinking about finishing a few dresses. I walk in the house to check on Lyric and she is standing on the counter with hershey kisses SHOVED in her mouth. In the time (literally three minutes) I went out to help Duncan with his book cover she decided to climb the drawers to get onto the counter, eat SEVEN kisses, shove the wrappers into a box in the cabinet, and hide her binky next to the bag of kisses. When I came in I just looked at her in astonishment...to which she replied, with a very large smile and chocolaty kiss coming out of her mouth, "Srrry Momm". Oh toddlers!!!

We are the music makers...the dreamers of dreams.

Our family has joined The Performing Arts Academy of Central Illinois. Duncan is taking acting and musical theater, Nitely is taking Gymnastics, Tap, Ballet, and Acting. Lyric is taking Gymnastics. I'm taking Ballet and Glee. It has turned out to be very busy, but also very, very fun! The kids are enjoying themselves immensely and I am too. I always take my hula-hoop to get in some hooping time while the kids are in classes. I'm fairly sure my kids are naturals at this.

And then...you put your whole soul into something...like writhing on some black ill-lit stage somewhere...and it's all so desperate, so hopeful, and so humiliating. There has to be humiliation there...like you've turned yourself inside out; and you stand there or lie there or move frantically around while the inside of yourself prances and howls and screams and cries tears no one was ever meant to see or hear or know.

In my mind, I have complete faith in the abilities of my children. Though challenges are present, they will prevail. They are beautifully intelligent kids, they've got great brains! Nitely could very easily be a dancer. She's absolutely a natural. Duncan could go on to become a famous comedian or an amazing theater actor. I'm so happy to have the opportunity to enrich their lives in this way. ♥

We spent labor day weekend at home. We cleaned out corners, tie-dyed together, Thomas and Duncan made and painted a rocket. We spent most of our time outside. I made the first batch of chili for the year and we sat around a peaceful fire eating chili, crackers, marshmallows, and having a lovely time. My favorite times are when the five of us are together relaxing and just being together. These days it seems harder to achieve these moments as a family. Thank goodness for vacations from work and play! ♥

My son turned nine ten days ago. My dear Duncan has grown up before my eyes. Nine years seem to last minutes; seconds. Every last moment we've had together, and now, he seems older...larger...a bit more ready to be on his own. He's a beautiful boy. Gorgeous, really. The nicest person I know. And he always will be, I have complete faith in the fact that he will be the nicest person anyone knows, everywhere he goes. It's strange to look at him sometimes. The last decade has had ups and downs...were there enough ups to round out the downs? Did I do my job well enough? His childhood rests behind him...basically over...was it good enough? Fun enough? There are all of those things that we just didn't get to; projects piling up in the corners. Did he want to play baseball again? I forget...because time, time is not on our side. As we want these moments, these tiny faces to stay...tiny; instead the moments surge and the faces change so quickly, so consistently, we barely notice them changing at all.

It's a hard emotion to reconcile. We want our children to grow and thrive, we want them to achieve independence, we want healthy grown children. But wouldn't it be nice if we could just slow the process, take a deep breath and let it last a bit longer. Someday the tiny finger prints will be long gone, the spilled juice, there will no longer be a thousand stray Cheerios under every piece of furniture, the toys will be boxed away. But, I'll still have my Duncan. He'll be taller, and wider, and hairier...but he'll always be my baby boy.

And I'll remember all things Duncan.

Duncan dressing up in a full three piece suit on a ninety degree day. Duncan inventing countless useful contraptions. Duncan's briefcase. Duncan's office. Duncan's homemade business cards. Sunbutter and jelly sandwiches. Water with no ice. Duncan hats. Little Duncan. Super Duncan. Space Duncan. Spider- Duncan. Indiana Jones. Bananas. The smell of his thick beautiful hair after playing outside, the literal twinkle in his eyes. His ‘comfortable spot’. The way he still seems to fit just perfectly behind my knees while we’re watching a movie on the couch…no matter how big he gets.

Heat. Hot sweat. Dripping. Melting cheese on sidewalks. Swimming in blue pool. Rain. Hula hooping. Sugar Creek Arts Festival. Shakespeare Festival. Day trip to Springfield. Orange juice. Kombucha. Hamster. Green Scouts. Concert on the quad. Duncan will be nine in three weeks. He's obsessed with Jazz, trumpets, and drawing. Homeschooling. Nitely will be five before we know it. She loves dressing up and dresses and painting her nails, having her hair done. She's beautiful...and she loves to be beautiful. Hottest summer on record; seriously. Purple hair. Painting. Lyric is two. She is a very curious, sweet, adventurous baby. She has CURLY hair. It generally puffs in the humidity. She's such a nice baby. She loves baby dolls, strollers, and purses. She loves Strawberry Shortcake and Sesame Street. Gardening. Tomatoes. Summer, summer, summer!!!

Your words fall,
like leaves to the ground.
Fluttering never making a sound.

The strangest way you seem sad when you're angry,
your breath becomes apathy,
you'd be better off not breathing at all.